Chuck Palahniuk’s “Survivor” quotes

I just finished re-reading this book (which is a fantastic satire on the general media and also a very curious look at life and suicide and death) and decided to pick apart my sticky note bookmark to keep track of the best quotes. They’re all near the end of the book, but I don’t think they spoil much, if anything.

“And if you never have sex,” [he’s] saying, “you never gain a sense of power. You never gain a voice or an identity of your own. Sex is the act that separates us from our parents. Children from adults. It’s by having sex that adolescents first rebel.”

And if you never have sex, [he] tells me, you never grow beyond everything else your parents taught you. If you never break the rule against sex, you won’t break any other rule.


“You know, the horizontal bop. Hide the salami. The hot thing. The big O. Getting lucky. Going all the way. Hitting a home run. Scoring big-time. Laying pipe. Plowing a field. Stuffing the muff. Doing the big dirty.”


Here are condoms lined with a topical anesthetic for prolonged action. What a paradox. You don’t feel a thing, but you can fuck for hours.

This really seems to miss the point.

I want my whole life lined with a topical anesthetic.


“Long-term,” she says, “we’re all going to die. Then our bodies will rot. No surprise there. Short-term, we’re going to live happily ever after.


“Really,” she says. “So don’t sweat it.”

[She] says, “Can you just relax and let things happen?”

I ask, does she mean, like disasters, like pain, like misery? Can I just let all that happen?

“And Joy,” she says, “and Serenity, and Happiness, and Contentment.”

“You don’t have to control everything,” she says. “You can’t control everything.”

“If you worry about disaster all the time, that’s what you’re going to get.”